VN Ren'Py Being a DIK [v0.11.1] [DrPinkCake]

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Better Cock Spock

Better Cock Spock

Half Vulcan, Half Simp
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MiltonPowers said:
That makes me to sad to do another 'Told You So' Dance.

(At least you got your 2 top girls into the MG's).

None of my top 2 are MG.

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I can't feel too bad about that, but I can't say I blame you... too much :HideThePain:
joebob77474 said:
Ahh, see I never got that route. Never went that far with Jade even when I, ahem, was less intelligent about my choices.
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Leaked sex tape Sage run is fucking brutal :cry:
Darkwen said:
you two sound like a old married couple
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We're Maggot Brothers :giggle:
 
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grarg

grarg

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Einarr the Red said:
To my mind his problem is he fleshes them out too much, which has the effect of pulling a background/filler NPC out of the background and into the foreground. Its an easy temptation to fall into, you get all these ideas in your head about them and make notes about them and then you end up with a lot of material of which 90% shouldn't ever be used because if you do, they're not in the background anymore and your story bloats and becomes unmanageable.
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Exactly. If the MG's are so key, there shouldn't be a massive list of SG's who have all kinds of exposition and growth. It defeats the entire function of MGs.

Einarr the Red said:
This sort of a mental note to myself btw, maybe I'm projecting cause I tend to overdevelop characters and settings myself. Its why I absolutely cannot write a short story, everything turns into a novella cause I just can prune enough. I'm hoping to attempt my own VN, and so I pay attention to this kind of stuff as a reminder for myself of things to be careful of.
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Short stories are the best form of experimenting on how to write. Never go into something big until you can figure it out in the smallest, most succinct way. Start with outlines, get your middle and ending, then fill in the blanks.

Einarr the Red said:
I see Zoey as a problem because of the way she's being inserted.
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Exactly!

Einarr the Red said:
I'd have rather seen some scenes where Zoey is reacting to seeing the MC with their current LI, the LI reacting to Zoey, possible arguments or jealousy, etc.
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Well, there was that amazing run-cycle animation at the Thanksgiving party where she has a panic attack in the woods...

Einarr the Red said:
General rip... enough with the parade of women who can't communicate how they feel. Its become a cliche in itself.
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And now it looks like Josy/Zoey will become a second Zoey/Josy...

Einarr the Red said:
The MC is multiple characters. In the case of BaDIK the MC is (or should be) at least three characters: A DIK, A Neutral, and A Chick.
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The system is essentially broken or useless. The scene with punching Patrick being the only close one lately. Which is useless, as Maya's problem with the contract is resolved anyway in Episode 11...great choices DPC!

Instead of being something like a Mass Effect Paragon/Neutral/Renegade system, it has now devolved into Neutral/Chick, as every path is now "be nice to your girl, including Sage and Quinn, even if you can't choose Chick"?

Einarr the Red said:
As I said above, as I see it, the problem is he wrote one MC rather than allowing for different versions of the MC that might emerge as the result of player choices, and that's why choices of actions/reactions are so limited. DPC seems to have only one POV of the MC and doesn't allow the MC to evolve into different versions of himself.
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Right. The CHICK Bella and Jill seems proper. The DIK Sage and Quinn seems proper. But now it's all Neutral/Chick, and even your attitude can be permanent (which means what now?) He either changes the system up, or it's going to keep being "be nice to your GF".

Einarr the Red said:
Now if only he was better at writing plot twists, so far in my admittedly limited experience, DPC over uses foreshadowing so much he gives everything away. Nick being blamed for everything and throwing the rest of the Frat under the bus didn't even remotely surprise me, I'd been waiting for it to happen. Even Magnar being revealed as an evil genius master mind didn't surprise me.. though I was hoping that was NOT going to be the way it turned out. I don't think that plot is going to turn out as very believable and am hoping it doesn't go Austin Powers "Dr Evil" silly.
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The Magnar reveal at the end is just silly.

Kurt Vonnegut is famous for saying he never uses mystery, and instead just reveals whatever the interesting idea is first, and then goes from there. Showing us Magnar is some mastermind is a waste of exposition. Oh great, another fight with the Tri-Alphas, while the audience knows more than the characters...same with the magical Bella door being unlocked. It's getting old and dragged out.

Einarr the Red said:
Ya know... I really should get over my hesitation and do a my own VN. The more I think about this stuff the more I'm talking myself into it.
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Einarr the Red

Einarr the Red

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grarg said:
Josy's main dialogue wah moment from Episode 11 with Maya:
"I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like I'm following the stream. Just tagging along. I don't know if the things I do are for me or someone else. Like college, I used to think I wanted it. But am I here for me, or am I doing it to make Dad proud? Do I want this? What am I even good at? I feel like I'm mediocre at everything. If someone asked me what my skills are, I wouldn't know what to say."

The only indication she felt this way was asking Heather about being lost in a previous scene, in Episode 11. It comes out of nowhere. Previously likes economics and is taking more courses in it. She's the most thoughtful, honest, and confident girl of the MG's. She's gaga for MC, even when not on her path. This is lazy writing. DPC may think it's not, but he seriously needs an editor (OR 5) to give him a second opinion.
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I agree with most everything else you posted, but I had a different take on this. So I'll throw this up for discussion.

To me, Josy is not confident at all. She only seems confident when she's doing what someone else wants, what she thinks is expected of her. Josy is a people pleaser, a follower and a submissive. She's the kind of person who will attach themselves to someone else and then follow them rather than finding her own direction. Given her statement about not being sure if she can say she still loves Maya was another clue for me. Its possible Josy attached herself to Maya, not because Josy was or wanted to be a lesbian but simply because Maya offered direction and purpose and Josy was drawn to that. As long as that boat didn't get rocked, she was happy. But then came them being separated because of Maya's dad and then college. That rocked the boat. Then Josy meets the MC over the summer and gets a crush on him, finally goes on what turns out to be a date (it was but Josy started out pretending it wasn't so she wouldn't feel guilty about what she was doing and wanting), and finally has sex with the MC. Rocked the boat some more. Then Josy, Maya and the MC end up in a relationship and Josy is realizing she really does like cock, she really does like the MC a LOT, and he's someone else she can attach herself too. And that rocks the boat enough to risk capsizing it. Throw in the asshat at the Halloween party belittling her and that was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. It threw Josy into a crisis of identity, questioning everything about herself.

To me that much makes sense. What doesn't make sense to me is that neither Maya nor the MC seem to have either really noticed nor taken action during that time. At one point the MC does notice Josy is a bit withdrawn, something is off and she tells him she'll talk about it later... then they never talk... for over a month. After the party at Bella's the MC cuddles up with Maya and pays no attention to Josy which I thought was very odd for the MC because while he had been on a date with Maya (ice skating) which Josy declined to join them on (alarm bell my guy, alarm bell), he hasn't really had any personal time with Josy in awhile. Since he cares a lot about both, wouldn't he want to spend at least a little time cuddling up with Josy? Instead he ignores her... wtf? To me that was OOC for the MC.

Now granted if I were the MC, I'd have pushed the coffee table over, gotten both gals up, made a bed out of the couch cushions on the floor, flopped in the middle and had em both snuggle up cause "I just can't sleep good with you two next to me." Que kisses, snuggling and maybe a tender moment when he tells Josy he missed her on the ice skating date and she apologizes and he asks her to promise to talk to him soon and tell him whats going on cause she doesn't have to deal with it alone and she pensively promises to do so. But then he also tells her that he really wished she had been there because there was something he said to Maya that he's been wanting to say to her as well, "I love you, both of you, and I can't imagine not having you both in my life." Cue the tears from both gals, kissing Josy, snuggling her closer and her falling asleep feeling happier. But that's just me, I'm a romantic, what can I say.

I also would have handled the MCs conversation with his dad differently, which foreshadowed all this and was my first cue we were in for a crisis with Josy. What I would have changed was what Neil had to say. There was no need to turn Neil into a rambling asshat. I've have done:

MC "Well, I have two girlfriends actually>"
Neil "Wait son... sooner or later one of them will find out and then people are going to get hurt."
MC "No, dad, the know... we're all together, they're... well... sharing me I guess."
Neil "You mean... oh... well... wow... I don't know what to say. I didn't expect that. And they're okay with that?"
MC "Yeah, it was kinda their idea in a way. They were... umm... well... already best friends and..."
Neil "And couldn't decide who saw you first, something like that?" <chuckles>
MC "Something like that. It was confusing at first and it almost didn't... you know... happen. But I care about them and they both cared about me and we just decided all of us together was what made sense. We could deny we all had... feelings."
Neil "You really care about both of them that much?"
MC "Yeah dad... a lot."
Neil "And they feel the same about you?"
MC "They do... at least, I mean they act like it."
Neil "Well, I guess congratulations then son. Look I wasn't expecting this and its not a path I ever went down. But, I've always told you to follow your heart and if this is where your heart has led you, then follow it."
MC <smiles>
Neil "But I'll add this... make sure you listen to their hearts too. Its not just you you have to think about now, take care of them if you really want this to work. Pay attention because a woman won't always tell you how she really feels, even the best of them. Sometimes you have to really listen to what they don't say to hear their heart and hear what they really are trying to tell you. That goes double I guess with two girlfriends. Whatever happens son, I've always believed in you, and I'll always be here for you.
MC "Thanks dad, you're right, we've... there have been problems and I wasn't always a good listener... I'm working on it."
Neil "You'll get there, like our sparing, keep working on it every day. So, when do I get to meet them?"
<Both laugh>

An there you go, makes the same point and does the same foreshadowing as the original but this time Neil is... surprised and uncertain, but still the cool dad. Can I get that edit please?

So yeah, some of it seemd like lazy writing.
 
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4.70 star(s) 1,641 Votes